Sinfully Good
by WifeysforLifey
Summary: These will be a series of drabble little things for Swan Queen Week (winter) 2016 on Tumblr! The theme this year is the Seven Deadly Sins! Should be funny enough to try! :) Enjoy! (If you don't like Swan Queen please don't click, you aren't invited to the party!)
1. The Problem With Sexting and Lofts

**AN:** These will be a series of drabble little things for Swan Queen Week (winter) 2016! The theme this year is the Seven Deadly Sins! Should be funny enough to try! :) Enjoy!

 **Disclaimer:** I sadly own nothing because if I did this would be happening in the show! Yep. But alas! At least there is fanfiction!

 **Day 1:** Lust

* * *

Warm kiss swollen lips crash feverishly against plump red coated lips as hands frantically roam and tug at unnecessary clothing that blocks the perfect olive toned body from her ever wanting fingers. Grunting out a breath against Regina's mouth, Emma twists her leg back awkwardly to kick the door of the loft closed behind them with her foot without losing contact with the woman she is so desperate for.

She has her priorities in order and currently Regina Mills was number one on that list. Anything that doesn't equal her is not important and that includes re-locking the damned door.

Regina breaks the kiss when the need to breathe becomes too much for her to fight off any longer. Her lungs scream in angry protest until she drags in a deep ragged breath once she finally manages to pry her lips away from her eager girlfriend's. Stroking her hand along the smooth skin at the back Emma's neck, she toys with the silky blonde locks that tickle the tips of her fingers, needing to keep her close as much as she needs to breathe right now. Regina flushes with want as the blonde's lips move along her jaw, continuing their way way down her neck with warm supple kisses. A strangled laugh of a noise is all she can manage as teeth and tongue find her pulse point.

"I ha-ave to get Henry i- _ahhh_ _Emma_ -n forty minutes." A shudder quakes down her spine and clear down to her toes. At the rate everything is progressing and how Emma knows every button she likes pushed things will be more than finished in the small window of time they have between working and juggling everyday life. Moments like these where they have a minute to be the frivolous, love sick, needy, women they want to be are the glue that holds their relationship together so when opportunity knocks they welcome it with both arms wide open.

The feel of Emma's hands working their way under her shirt makes her wish they had longer than the time they have. Maybe she could be late collecting Henry from school. Car trouble. An impromptu meeting? She could think of something but all of her brain cells are buzzing with the one thing the blonde in front of her can give and they refuse to be deviated from their goal.

"Guess we'll have to make this quick then won't we Madame Mayor?" Smirking broadly, Emma grazes the tips of her fingers along the smooth plains of her girlfriend's sides until they take purchase on her hips with a loving squeeze. Using her new holding place to guide Regina backwards until their bodies bump into the kitchen table. A soft yelp of surprise from the brunette has her smirk growing all the more.

Glancing incredulously back at the table that presses into her backside then right back to find emerald eyes that shine with challenge. Regina rolls her eyes at the woman who is clearly enjoying herself a little too much now. " _Are you serious? On the table?! Emma!"_

Emma can't help but laugh a hard husky sounding laugh at the edge of hysteria that creeps into Regina's tone when she comes to the conclusion that they have reached their final destination. Shrugging her shoulders absently she makes quick work of unbuttoning the smart blouse in front of her while her own shirt is lifted up over her head, leaving them both bare to the waist but for their bras that give way to tantalizing views of their heaving chests.

"Why not? Saves time climbing up the stairs both ways and it gets me right where I want to be." Wiggling her eyebrows teasingly for show, Emma snorts at the swat that she gains her counterpart, though the dark hungry look that ripples through those dark chocolate eyes that hold her own tells her how little that hit was meant. Leaning in she peppers kisses against Regina's cheeks, her forehead, her nose, before finally coming to rest against her lips with chaste kiss.

"Besides I thought you would just _love_ to ruin Mary Margaret's kitchen table. What better revenge for having to sit through last night's awkward family dinner than having her daughter screwing you on top of it the next day? Then the next time we have to suffer through another dinner you can look at it and snicker to your hearts content! Everyone wins!" Chuckling softly between kisses, her hands seek out the zipper of the brunette's skirt without hesitation, her mind already made up that this is going to happen and going to happen right here and now.

Wasting no more of their precious time than is necessary, Emma skips the teasing and goes right into unzipping the garment, pushing it gently down the smooth skin she wants nothing more than to be face to face with right now. A nearly silent groan bubbles in her throat with her growing want, the warmth of Regina's skin beneath her kneading fingers making it hard to concentrate on their conversation. "You wear too many clothes. You should really just start wearing pull away track pants. Save time."

A raspy chuckle dances around them with Regina's amusement towards the suggestion she will never actually take into consideration. Once the offensive skirt has been pushed down her slender legs she cups Emma's face between her hands, warmth and want shining in the depths of her eyes. "Shut up and kiss me you idiot."

"Yes ma'am!" Slipping her arms around Regina's waist she gives her quick possessive tug forward so that their chests press against one another. Each inhale and exhale has their lacy undergarments grating together with a maddening sensation. Without warning Emma lifts Regina up from the floor, forcing her to wrap her legs around her waist as she walks them forward a step or two until her thighs bounce against the edge of the table. Capturing her favorite mayor's lips in a kiss that deepens as soon as it's begun with the promise of everything that is to come.

The cool surface of the wooden table elicits a hiss from Regina the second her bottom comes into contact with it. Her legs automatically tighten around Emma's bare waist out of sheer reflex to the chill. Any thought of complaint is lost as nimble fingers find their way to the clasp of her bra while a persistent tongue begs entrance into her mouth.

Breaking the kiss with a rough jerk of her head, Emma forces herself to move back ever so slightly. She doesn't want to lose the contact between their bodies but she is determined to get her girlfriend out of her bra if it's the last thing she does. The sight of Regina's perfectly aroused nipples brings her head in like a moth to a flame. Languidly drawing her tongue over the perfectly erect little nub before sucking it into her mouth with slurp that is drowned out by a moan from above her head.

Setting a heated rhythm that dances between suckling and groping, Emma is well on her way with her free hand inching down Regina's taunt stomach, toying with the edge of her lacy underwear when the sound of heavy footfalls on the stairs outside alert her to the horrific realization that someone is coming home early.

Giggly squeals and shrieks sound outside mixed with the sound of David's hard hearty laughter and what could possibly be kissing if Emma listened hard enough through the pounding of her pulse in her ears.

With a slick pop she releases Regina's nipple as if it suddenly burned her mouth. "Shit!" Panicked eyes mirror her own as she looks wide eyed at her girlfriend who hastily hops down from the table. Swiping up their clothes from the floor, Emma frantically shoves Regina further into the apartment towards the open bathroom.

" _I THOUGHT YOU SAID THEY WOULDN'T BE HOME!_ " Anger mixes with hysteria as Regina all but trips over her own feet in her rush to get into the bathroom she's never actually seen before. Clutching her clothes to her chest like they will shield her from the humiliation that could potentially take place in the next few moments.

" _I thought they weren't! Shhhh! They're going to hear-_ " Emma breaks off her response mid hiss as the door to the apartment bangs open and slams shut just as quickly. A frown begins to bloom across her brows at the fevered kisses and moans she can hear just outside the door. When she realizes just what her parents are up to coming home in the middle of the day like this her mouth falls open in comical shock.

"I guess you weren't the only Charming who had this idea. It's disturbing how alike you are with your father, dear." Regina breaths out her words so that the madly making out couple just beyond the door doesn't hear her.

Slipping her arms into the straps of her bra, Regina watches the horror wash over Emma's face with a mix of amusement and sympathy. "I'm sorry your parents ruined your plan. At least they didn't catch us? We can wait them out. I highly doubt your father can _last_ all that long. It's fine Emma, we'll just sit in here and wait."

A strangled noise is all Emma can make as she backs away from the door until she has backed herself right into Regina's chest. Grateful that the brunette hasn't started teasing her too terribly yet though she doesn't doubt this moment will be used against her in the not-so-distant future. Leaning her head to the side to rest against her girls, she seeks out the comfort she needs more than a grown woman should at a moment like this. "I can't believe-"

"Go get in bed and I'll get the stuff!"

Panic surges anew in both emerald and mahogany eyes.

Regina hisses low into the ear beside her cheek, " _What stu-_ "

The bathroom door pushes in towards them and a very boxer clad David steps into the room, the broad smile on his face fading in the flash of a heartbeat at the sight that he is greeted with. Wide blue eyes lock onto even wider green eyes before the room erupts into frantic yelps from both parties.

" _DAD! GET OUT! OH MY GOD! THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING! I'M NOT A TEENAGER FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!_ " Flinging her arms back towards Regina who cowered behind her the second that the doorknob clicked. Emma isn't sure how effective her arms will be in covering the fact that Regina is still just in her underwear that leaves nothing to the imagination but she has to do something!

"Oh. My. God. Emma! I am-" Recoiling away from the duo in the bathroom, David clasps his hand over his eyes though the action does little to remove the possibly permanent image of Regina's red undergarments and Emma in only her jeans and equally lacy black bra. "I didn't know you were home! I thought you were at the station! I'm sorry- I'll just-"

"David, what's- _**OH MY GOD!**_ "

Between David's recoiling and Emma's mortification neither of their reactions hold a candle to the abject horror that clouds Mary Margaret's once elated expression. None of the people in the little restroom need to be mind readers to see the big fat _' **it's porn!**_ ' that is bouncing around in her head as she tries to look anywhere but her daughter and her daughter's girlfriend.

Dropping her head forward so that her blonde locks create a curtain around her face, Emma let's out a pathetic whimpered cry that verges on being a terribly timed laugh. "This is the last time I give into lust! _No more sexting during the day Regina_! Look what it leads to!"

Clearing her throat from behind Emma, gentle hands rubs at the pale sink in front of her with soothing swipes along her spine, Regina can't help but smirk. A glint of sardonic humor reflecting in her dark eyes as they watch David and Mary Margaret flounder with where they should be looking. "So now would probably not be the right time to let them know what we were doing on the dining room table just before they came bounding in then would it darling?"

Emma's barked out laugh wavers with further mortification when Mary's ' _Oh Emma! You didn't!_ ' reaches her ears. She should have just stayed at work and never touched her phone. Lesson. Learned.


	2. Not Everyone is Meant to be Adam Richman

**AN:** Day two of Swan Queen Week. This one made me giggle while writing it. Hope you enjoy!

Sin: Gluttony

* * *

"Uuuuuggghhhh, whyyyyyy diiiiid yooooou leeeet meeeeee dooooooo thaaaaat?" Everything inside of her radiates cold and the churning of her stomach makes her idly wonder if she is in fact going to vomit.

A low throaty groan rakes up her chest into her throat where it gets trapped for fear of opening her mouth at that precise moment. This might have been a bad idea but for Emma Swan most things she had done in her life normally fell into that category bar the big things like Henry, Regina, and saying no to neon spandex in the 80's.

"I told you this wasn't a wise idea Emma."

A pitiful whimpered cry is the only reply that Emma can muster in response to her girlfriend's raspy comment that feels a little too smug for how genuinely terrible she feels right now. It really isn't fair when gorgeous people also get brains and smugness. All three of which Regina has in spades and right now she had two of the three working for her as she stares in Emma's direction.

"I think I'm going to be sick…" Another pitiful whine slips free of her lips and her shoulders shake ever so slightly as she fake cries against island counter in the loft. Each pathetic whimper making her aching brain hurt all the more.

A warm hand finds the smooth expanse of the back of her neck followed by the other gently stroking the length of her spine reassuringly. Focusing on the feel of Regina's capable hands rather than the queasiness that swells and ebbs inside of her.

"As I said you would be when you said that you could eat baby Neal's weight in rocky road ice cream. I really wish you would start listening to me when I tell you that these ridiculous food challenges you and David insist on having are bad for you." Leaning forward Regina curls her chest flush against Emma's back in a show of comfort for the blonde even if she does think this is her own fault. She will dutifully take care of her girl- _her idiot_ \- every day for the rest of her life as long as it means she never has to be away from this lovable doofus in front of her.

A wavering moan sounds from the living room a few feet away from where they are and it has Regina instantly stiffening while she sends uneasy stink eyed glares in the direction of the couch. Pursing her lips tightly she curls her body around the curve of Emma's back, using the close proximity to breathe out her words between a supportive kiss or four.

"Please don't make me call your mother. She still hasn't gotten over the us trying to have sex on the kitchen table ordeal and I would rather like to not have to deal with Snow's judgmental conga about how it's practically porn or _another_ 'let's talk about our feelings and your intentions with my daughter' conversation right now."

Emma snorts out an icy breath against her curled up arm that rests under her forehead. The mental image of Regina having to call Mary Margaret while she is out with Ashley and the rest of the mommy and me group because her daughter and husband wanted to recreate the Man Vs. Food ice cream challenge and now were both on the cusp of being violently ill is more tempting than it should be.

"You were the one that just had to get the dig in about how we were defiling her furniture- you have to deal with the consequences missy. No one to blame but yourself for that one." Lifting her head up from the nest of her arms so that she can turn her head enough to catch the sight of her girlfriends face beside her own. Hamming it up with big ole puppy dog eyes, sniffling miserably in hopes that it will make Regina soften up and take pity on her like she does when Henry gets hurt.

"But you can't take care of David, who will take care of me? I need you to tell me I'm an idiot and take pity on me by rubbing my belly while I cry and swear off rocky road ice cream for good!" Poking her lower lip out so dramatically that an ant could use it for a diving board she throws in a pitiful little swipe of her belly, "see it's not as good as yours belly rubbin's."

Scoffing against Emma's ear, Regina uncurls herself from around her girlfriend's body, folding her arms across her chest in a show of being annoyed but the more pathetic Emma makes herself appear the more her lips twitch with the need to smile. Rolling her eyes dramatically she groans out a sigh.

" _Fine_ , I'll call Snow to come deal with David but then we are going _home - our home_. I'm not sticking around here while she fusses over him and wonders why I let you both be so juvenile." Cocking her head to the side, Regina fixes her with a 'do we have ourselves clear' look that intimidates most people she uses it on… Apart from Emma.

Sitting up straight for the first time in the last ten minutes Emma beams at her girlfriend like she is a pure vision of heaven with singing angels and light streaks blazing in all their glory in the background. "Best. Girlfriend. Ever."

With more effort than standing up should require Emma slips down from her stool, using the counter to help support her weight. Her eyes sweep over the mess they made with their bowls of mostly eaten ice cream left in favor of their deaths. Grabbing the spoon from her own serving bowl of ice cream she takes a bite of the melting brown confection. Instantly regretting it as her throat tightens and her stomach rolls.

" _ **EMMA**_! _Why would you do that_!? You are such a glutton for punishment!" Bewildered eyes watch as Emma's normally pale glowing skin turns a sallow color. "I can't believe I am in love with such a childish idiot!"

There are no words of come back from the blonde only the not so subtle gag followed by a flurry for limbs propelling her towards the bathroom where she falls unceremoniously in front of the toilet to heave up all of her hard work.

"I won…" A single fisted arm raises up from over the back of the couch followed by another wavering groan from the victorious David.

"Idiots. I am surrounded by incompetent idiots." Growling out a breath Regina grabs for her phone, her nimble fingers already pulling up Mary Margaret's contact details as she follows her girlfriend's rushed steps. Dutifully pulling the long wisps of blonde hair back until Emma has finished relieving herself of half of the Snow Queen's supply of chocolate ice cream.

Wiping her mouth on the back of her trembling hand Emma chances a look at Regina, her smile so weak and pained it almost doesn't count if it weren't for the bright green eyes that blaze with adoration for the brunette beside her. "Maybe I'm just a glutton for you taking care of me."

The look in Emma's eyes thaws much of her anger, sighing as she pushes the button to start the call to her on again off again mortal enemy. Primly settling herself on the cool wooden floorboards beside her girl, she pulls her into a one armed hug, her head settling against Emma's. "Next time choose something that doesn't involve projectile vomit or Mary Margaret please."

"You got it babe."


	3. Greedy Little Shits and Mario Kart

**AN:** Day Three of Swan Queen Week!

Day 3: Greed

* * *

The click of the ensuite bathroom door clicking closed has Emma Swan bolting upright faster than anyone should be allowed be become alert after just waking up.

Her heart thrums wildly in her chest as she turns her body to read the clock on Regina's side of the bed.

7:01

" _Shit_! I fell asleep before I could set my damn alarm!" Throwing the covers away from her legs in haste, she jumps from the bed with all the grace of a lumbering ostrich- all legs and bumbling body hurling as fast as she can towards the door. Ignoring Regina's concerned calling of her name she propels herself out into the hallway with a wild look in her green eyes just as the guest bathroom's door is shut with a disheartening thunk and a laugh from the boy who locks himself inside.

Skidding to a halt in front of the alabaster door she slams the palm of her hand against the wooden frame that separates her from her teenaged son. The fruit of her loins. The boy she loves with all of her heart. The young man who will be heading for a body bag should he use up all of the hot water. _Again_.

Slapping her hand angrily against the door with little care to how crazy she sounds. " _ **HENRY DANIEL MILLS! YOU LITTLE SH-**_ "

" _Emma_!"

Her hand freezes in mid draw back, a frustrated huffy breath of a growl escapes her over being caught terrorizing their son who she is pretty sure she can hear laughing at her from behind the closed door.

"Were you about to call our fourteen year old son a little shit?" Regina's hard brown eyes bore into her disheveled looking girlfriend. Both of her hands finding their way to her hips that are covered by the perfectly tailored suit skirt she wears.

Flinging her arm at the door in silent accusation, Emma's voice dips with hysterical injustice. "HE'S GOING TO USE ALL OF THE HOT WATER AGAIN! He's doing it on purpose! So yeah, he earns the title of little shit!" With her heated words she slams her palm against the door one last time to emphases her statement that gain a muffled 'ha!' from the boy who already has the water cranked as hot as it will go without scalding his skin.

Pointing her finger at the door while her eyes widen with a 'see! I told you!' look flaming to life in their viridian depths. "This is the tenth day I will have to take a freaking cold shower Regina! _TENTH_! In the last three weeks!"

Regina's lips purse at the derogatory term directed towards their son but the way that Emma gets so riled up over it has her fighting to suppress a wickedly amused smirk rather than barking out her disapproval. "Have you thought about getting up earlier dear?"

"I have been and the shit caught on! He's been getting up earlier and earlier! It's like he's doing it just to piss me off because he thinks it's funny!" Huffing out another agitated breath, Emma dejectedly moves back towards their bedroom, the thoughts of her cold shower that awaits her just beyond the open bathroom door making her scowl grow more pronounced. She hates cold showers.

"I was even going to get up at five today so that I could beat both of you and hopefully still let the water heater have time to refill the tank enough for the both of you but that greedy son of yours!" Flipping her arm out dramatically again in the direction of the guest bathroom just to let it fall back against her with a slap against her thigh, so mad she can't even finish her thought about that greedy boy and how he out did her again.

Quirking up an amused eyebrow Regina moves to follow Emma into the bathroom. "Oh so now he's _my_ son and not _our_ son. So when he's done something to annoy you then he solely gets to be my responsibility?"

"Yeah. That's exactly how it goes. Deal with it." Folding her arms petulantly across her chest, Emma watches Regina apply her lipstick through the reflective surface of the mirror. "Now hurry up. I have a crappy shower to suffer through and I'd rather not have an audience thanks. Mer."

* * *

Everything about today had sucked. Waking up to find out that she had fallen asleep before she could set her early morning alarm. Having to shriek through a nearly hypothermia inducing shower. Getting half way to the Station only to realize that her back tire was going flat.

It was just one long smorgasbord of sucking and it was only continuing on as she sat listening to her father speak on the phone to her mother in infuriating love-y dove-y tones that made her want to vomit up her boots. Pushing up roughly from her desk with a slam of her hands against its surface to try and alleviate some of the annoyance that is knotting up in the pit of her stomach.

"I'm going on patrol and then home. Tell Robin I don't want any calls coming through tonight. He's going to have to handle whatever comes through on his own. I'm done." Shooting David an unnecessary glare just because he exists in her bubble right now her hands move to snatch her leather jacket a little more roughly than needed from its place draped across the back of her chair. Stalking out of the Police Station with her head held high and fire in her emerald eyes.

She was pissy. She knew it, Regina knew it, and now David knew it too. She was a one woman hit man ready to bring everyone around her down to her level of discontent with well placed snark and a few glares that could rival her former evil girlfriend's.

Passing by the squad car with a dismissive wave she opts to do her rounds by foot. The walk down main street would do her some good and at the very least she could stop over at Granny's and get herself a much deserved hot chocolate for her troubles.

* * *

Slamming the front door of the mansion closed so roughly the window panes on either side rattle with her frustration. Her once cream colored sweater now sporting a bold splotch of brown where her too hot travel cup of hot cocoa decided to pop open and spill down her chest before she could even get a single sip.

Rage fuels her jerky motions as she forcefully tugs her jacket off. Emma doesn't even bothering to put it in the foyer closet where Regina will want it. She just simply throws it to the floor in a heap of red at her feet.

Storming up the stairs with irritation anew as she peels her ruined sweater from her body and over her head. She stomps her way up the remaining step with enough force to make her foot tingle with pain, muttering bitterly to herself, "And watch there _STILL_ won't be any damned hot water!"

Huffing at the empty hallway like it could feel for her grievances and take sympathy on her. The soft sound of a voice from down the hall catches her ear and it doesn't take long for her mind to come to the conclusion that Henry is home and either has a friend over or is on the phone.

This was too good an opportunity to enact her own little attempt at revenge on her son. He has kick start her bad day and now she was more than ready to repay the favor. Maturity be damned. Parenting sucks and the kid has it coming she figures.

Preparing herself to walk into his room shirtless she hopes that the occupant with him would be someone like Paige or even Nick. Kids she knew would be just as mortified as Henry would be. Oh sweet revenge, this was going to be good.

Stopping outside of the door Emma pauses when she hears no soft childish voices inside like she assumed she would but the soft rasp of Regina. Instead of pushing in like she had planned to she remains rooted in her place in the hallway with her soiled sweater still in her hand, straining to hear what they are saying.

"Henry, were you getting up earlier than normal in order to beat Emma to the shower, then taking longer showers to insure that the water would run cold by the time she was able to get in?" Sitting at the end of her son's bed Regina waits patiently for her answer, her face clear of any judgement should he say yes.

Looking down at his hands rather than up at his mother Henry shrugs his shoulders up lightly, not needing Regina to rip into him to feel bad for what he's been doing now that he sees how what he thought was a joke is being taken. "I didn't mean for it to really make her mad. At first it was just an accident. I feel back to sleep in the shower but then she got so snarky and it was funny so I kept doing it to see her flip out. I didn't think it was a big deal."

Breathing out a sigh, Regina mulls over his words for a moment. Weighing what she wants to say to the clearly remorseful young man beside her. "You may have been trying to be funny but what you were really doing was being greedy Henry. I know you didn't mean it to be mean but this kind of prank affects so much of Emma's day. It trickles down into everything that she does. You wouldn't like it very much if she were to do this to you. You would feel picked on, would you not? I think you need to apologize to your mother and find a way to make it up to her."

"Okay mom. I guess I could finally let her win at Mario Kart, maybe clean the bug for her…" Cracking a small grin that still holds so much remorse in it that it has Regina's arm snaking around his shoulders to pull him into a tight hug against her side. Leaning all of his weight against his mom with the ever present need for comfort despite his growing age. "I really am sorry. I didn't mean to be greedy with the hot water or make Ma feel bad."

Rubbing his arm to further comfort him for a few prolonged moments before she pushes herself up from him bed. Smiling down at her son with love in her warm brown eyes. "I know you are Henry, now you just need to tell that to your mother. Get started on your home work and I'll let you know when she gets home."

Turning on her heel, Regina slips out of the door, managing to close it before she bumps into a shirtless Emma who stands in the middle of the hallway looking like a puddle of mush. Worry instantly distorts her expression as she reaches out for her girlfriend.

"Emma? What happened to you? What.. Why are you all sticky?" Regina retracts her hand from where it briefly grazed against Emma's bare stomach. Wiping at the residual stickiness that lingers on her knuckles with her other hand she waits for the blonde to answer.

"It… Doesn't matter, Regina. Nothing major. Just stupid petty things that shouldn't get me mad. I think I'm going to go take a shower. A nice, hot, end of the day shower. Care to join?" A shit eating grin creeps across Emma's lips making her little dimples pop out just enough to be noticed. Nodding her head towards their bedroom as she starts off in that direction, keeping her pace leisurely should Regina choose to accept her offer.

Frowning in confusion Regina looks from Emma to the door to Henry's bedroom then back again to the blonde in front of her. A knowing smile tugs at her lips before it morphs into a knowing smirk. "You know a hot shower does sound pretty good right about now. I think I will Sheriff."

Linking her arm with her girlfriend's, Emma bumps into Regina's side with a breathy chuckle. "Always a pleasure Madame Mayor. And.. Thank you.. For talking to him. He's still a greedy little shit but he's _our_ greedy little shit. One who will most definitely be losing Mario Kart later."

Regina's hearty laugh dances around them as they enter the bedroom ready to enjoy the next hour together, letting off some much needed steam, in a _blessedly_ warm shower. _Thank. God._

* * *

 **AN:** Not as funny as the others but I had to take a cold shower this morning so I let my own annoyance be my muse tonight! :)


	4. Woman Calm Down&Enjoy the Hipster Cabin

**AN:** Still have 30 minutes left of today! Totally counts as making it for Day Four of Swan Queen week! THANK YOU SO MUCH for all of the faves, follows, and comments! Did not expect any of that from these drabbles! You are ALL amazing and are making this so much fun to do! ( **thongsong** : I am _loving_ writing doofus Emma, possibly my favorite her ever lol)

AND WITHOUT FURTHER ADO!

 **Day Four:** Sloth

* * *

Laying motionless in bed curled up in a nest of heavenly soft, thick, blankets to ward off the chill that settles in the cabin, Emma Swan refuses to acknowledge that her girlfriend is awake anymore than she already has this morning.

It had taken some serious pleading to convince Regina to agree to come on this impromptu long weekend vacation. But in the end she had made the brunette see just how much they could use the alone time away from the people in their lives who walked in on them in compromising positions. It would be time together without impersonations of Linda Blaire in the Exorcist with chocolate ice cream standing in for split pea soup. Alone time where all of the hot water would be used in excess _together_ in those compromising positions where _no one_ would be to interrupt.

Vacation.

It had been such a deliriously good idea.

That is until Emma realized just who she had taken with her to the gorgeous cabin in the woods near Wyman Lake in upstate Maine.

Regina had been awake since just before dawn. The years of early rising to ready herself for the long day of Mayoral responsibilities hadn't dissipated in the recent years. Waking up when the world was still asleep had become a welcome habit. It was _her_ time. The time she spent to tackle the day head on alone without the sticky fingers of a toddler, a whine from a disgruntled child, or the more resent moody blonde who tended to be more than a little grumpy until at least twenty minutes after waking up.

At home waking up before everyone else wasn't so much an issue. Disentangling herself from Emma had become such a common occurrence that she no longer roused the blonde when doing it and then she would go about her routine of slowly getting ready. Showering, getting dressed, reading the morning paper, starting Emma's coffee, making Henry breakfast- all of it the little cogs in the clock that made her day run smoothly.

Here in this foreign cabin however she had nothing to do. No newspaper beside the front door to read. No need to necessarily get dressed just yet and the modern coffee maker downstairs looked so much like something straight out of a science fiction novel that it intimidated too much her to even attempt to touch it without Emma present- though she would _never_ admit to being scared of an electronic.

Shifting restlessly, her mind loops around on thoughts that bounce from boredom right on down to worrying about what could be happening back in Storybrooke. Was Henry alright? Were the idiots feeding him? Did she lock the safe in her office before they left? Who killed Jenny Schecter? It was a maddening slew of thoughts that relentlessly nagged at her.

"You know the whole point of going away on long weekends is to relax and sleep in…" Emma's sleep riddled voice husks out into the otherwise silent room. Curling her arms more tightly around Regina's body she pulls her girlfriend flush against her chest, nuzzling her nose into the luscious dark hair at the nape of her neck. "Hi."

Stiffening out of guilt for waking Emma up on her beloved Saturday morning, Regina doesn't relax against her chest like she normally would when she is caught awake. Shifting her shoulders in a small wiggle to let Emma know to loosen her hold she waits until her girlfriend complies with her wish before she rolls her body over, snaking her own arm around the slender waist in front of her now. A sheepish smile gracing her lipstick free lips.

"Hi… I'm sorry I woke you. Go back to sleep. It's not often you get the opportunity to stay in bed, take it Emma. You _deserve_ the break. I'll get up and go downstairs." Leaning her face in to close the minimal distance between them, Regina nudges the tip of her nose against Emma's.

The soft show of affection sends Emma's heart fluttering in a staggered gallop in her chest. A light staining of pink spreads out across the plains of her cheeks as she grins a crinkly eyed smile that makes her look so much like Henry when she smiles with all her heart.

"Nope, it's only a deserved opportunity I want to take if my favorite girl in the whole world is in bed with me." Shrugging a single shoulder in a blasé way, like this is clearly common knowledge that Regina should know by now.

Regina's gentle smile transforms into a cheeky one as she raises an eyebrow with teasing haughtiness. "You invited Ruby on our little get away? You know how I feel about animals sleeping in my bed. I don't want to find a single hair on my pillow."

"Ha. Ha. You're hilarious. But really! You know you're my _forever_ favorite. Besides who else will keep my feet warm like you do?" Wiggling her eyebrows she slips one leg between Regina's, thoroughly tangling their legs together in a mess that makes it hard to tell where one of them starts and the other ends. Pressing her icy cold toes against the warm flesh she finds, laughing brightly at the hiss of complaint that gains from the woman in her arms.

"How do you manage to stay _so_ cold?!" Scoffing out a disbelieving breath, her own arms already tighten around Emma in order to pull her in closer- if that's even possible anymore. Regina rubs her hand along her girlfriend's arm and side from under the covers that are now tugged up to their noses, leaving just their eyes and tops of their heads exposed to the cold winter air that lingers in the room.

Emerald eyes sparkle with incandescent happiness as they meet rich dark eyes that hold so much wonder in them that it leaves both women speechless for some time. The silence hovering in the still cabin bedroom in the middle of wilderness fills thick with unsaid declarations of devotion through nothing more than looks, gentle touches, and laced fingers.

After an eternity of shy glances, Emma closes the small distance to mimic Regina's nose nudge. Taking the affection a step farther, she lightly brushes her lips against the soft supple ones she wants to continue kissing for the rest of her life.

Keeping the kiss light and innocent she rests her head back in its place against her pillow with a smile that could light the universe should the sun go dark. "Hi."

Breathing out an airy laugh Regina raises an eyebrow up questioningly though the rest of her expression remains serene and open in a way that it only does for Emma when they are alone. "You already said that dear."

Snorting out a chuckle, Emma playfully pats her feet against whatever bits of Regina's legs are closest, tightening her arms to teasingly shake her without really moving her away any. "Way to ruin a sweet moment Regina. Here I was going for sweet innocence and you're over here calling me out on redundancy. Smooth. I sure got me a good one here folks!" She cracks a bright easy going grin so that none of what she says is taken to heart.

"My apologies Ms. Swan, would you like to go for a third? I promise not to point it out this time." A raspy chuckle runs through the undercurrent of her words and Regina winks to show that all is well between them and that she didn't take Emma's words the wrong way. Without invitation she snuggles into the small space that has been left in order for them to see one anothers faces while they lay in bed and cuddle. Curling up against Emma's chest with a contented hum rumbling in her chest. "What should we do today? And tomorrow… And the next day…"

"And the rest of our lives?" Pressing her lips down against dark silken locks, Emma allows her lips to linger there for a spell, wanting to commit this moment to memory. Where everything is perfect. Where her heart feels full to bursting and there is no imminent danger looming over them to take away everything they hold dear. This moment where her arms are enough to keep the woman she loves more than her own life.

Regina simply breaths out an 'mmm' sound of agreement, liking the sound of 'the rest of our lives' rolling off of Emma's tongue. Something about it making her want to freeze time so that she can drown herself in this feeling of completeness when things get hard in the future.

"I think we should do this, right here. Never let go…" Trailing off with a tender stroke of Regina's arm, Emma allows the silence to settle around them again for a moment or two before breaking it again with a hint of a laugh to her tone. "…and maybe stay in bed all day. You know to further strengthen our bond together."

Lifting her head up from it's resting place against Emma's chest, Regina mockingly gaps up at her girlfriend who's hand has not so subtly found it's way to her butt and begun to knead at the soft flesh that has come exposed with all of their shifting around they have done.

" _Riiiiiight_ , to _strengthen_ our _bond_." Two eyebrows raise incredulously towards her hairline in feign disbelief. Despite her look she gives Emma she leans in with delicate tentativeness to capture the light pink lips just above her own. Gently nipping and suckling at the thin lower lip she loves so much. Drawing the tip of her tongue against soft flesh until she is permitted entrance to Emma's mouth where they reacquaint themselves with one another through tender sweeps and strokes.

Shifting her weight forward, Emma effortlessly coaxes Regina to lay back into the nest of sheets and pillows beneath her while her own body molds itself on top of her, hovering over her with one well placed elbow against the mattress. Breathlessly pulling back from the kiss, a dazzling toothy grin lights up her entire face. "Stay in bed with me today? We can explore tomorrow."

Slipping a leg between Emma's, Regina trails slowly up the bare skin of the blonde's until her thigh presses firmly into the apex of her girlfriend's legs, greatly enjoying the staggered breath that it causes the blonde to suck in while her body strains for more. Smirking unabashedly up with dark eyes that hold so much more than love in them now. "Oh I plan to do all kinds of exploring today Ms. Swan. Make no mistake about that."

Melting into a pool of vowel sounds, Emma wastes no more time on talking about what they _will_ be doing today and instead dives right back in head first into what they _are_ doing right now. Reconnecting their lips with a searing kiss that aims to render the brunette as breathless as her thigh squirming against her sex is making her.

Gasping for breath, Regina pulls back after some time. Her eyes glazed with want and need for the woman above her. Lifting her hand up to cup Emma's cheek tenderly, brushing the pad of her thumb over the smooth skin beneath it- the touch a stark contrast to the heated demands their bodies are currently making. "We should get away more often. I could get use to being lazy with you and staying in bed if it means this."

"Totally. _Now_ _shut up and kiss me._ " Gazing down at Regina with humor dancing in her fiery eyes as she throws the mayor's favorite phrase back at her.

Her hearty chuckle dying on her lips as Regina does in fact shut up and kiss her.


	5. Honey Badger Don't Take Shit From Nobody

**AN:** THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS! They make me laugh and smile and want to finish writing these! You are all amazing! Sorry for the late update on these but I will try and have the next two up tonight as well!

 **Swan Queen Week day five:** Wrath

* * *

The long weekend had done them good. It had rejuvenated their bodies, relaxed their spirits, and made them realize just how much they need to get away like that more often. Possibly even bring Henry along and make it an entire family thing.

A week back into their normal routined lives found Emma and Regina hunkered down one Friday evening in a secluded corner of the local laser tag joint- one of the newer establishments that Henry practically begged his Mother to look into after his Ma took him to one during the infamous year that he and Emma lived in New York not that long ago.

It was a little on the scuzzy side, with faint smells of feet, sweat, and nacho cheese but the children who ran around excitedly between the arcade and various other entertainments that was there to keep them occupied while waiting for the next game of tag to begin didn't seem to mind.

None of it mattered all that much to Emma who sat on the bench angled towards the brunette beside her with both of her legs dangling over Regina's. A warm paper bowl of french fries drenched in the same nacho cheese sauce that wafts around the establishment rested in her lap. Holding up a singular pillar of golden delight in the small space between them with a ridiculous grin that makes her eyes squish up at their corners with her amusement over the disgust she can plainly see in the older woman's grimace.

"You knoooow you wannaaaa to try iiiiit babe. I can see it in your eyes." Wiggling her eyebrows suggestively she brings the fry up to her own mouth and makes a show of licking the cheese off with a curl of her tongue and a breathy chuckle when the back of Regina's hand makes contact with her bicep.

"Emma! There are children present, get ahold of yourself." Despite her admonishing her girlfriend's slightly crude behavior she can't suppress the grin that quirks up the corners of her lips. Rolling her eyes at the utter crap that her girlfriend deems to be incredible culinary strides for mankind. "I can't _believe_ you eat that. You are going to be _so_ ill tonight. Don't come whining to me when your stomach is in knots!"

Once the fry has been swallowed, Emma holds her hands up in mock defense up by her shoulders- being mindful not to squirm too much for fear of tipping her food that balances precariously on her lap. "Heeeey, I was just over here eating my cheese fries, trying to get my beautiful girlfriend to try one. _You're_ the one that is reading more into that lick than there is missy! Looks like you're the one with the dirty mind Ms. Mills!"

"And besides! You _know_ you wouldn't let me lay there and suffer. You love me too much!" Beaming a lovesick smile over at Regina, her shoulders shrugging up ever so slightly towards her ears innocently. Knowing in her heart of hearts that Regina is all talk on the matter because just two weeks ago she was nursing her better after the great ice cream debacle of twenty-sixteen.

Rolling her eyes at the way Emma has turned all of this around on her, Regina reaches down to snatch up one of the french fries that isn't completely saturated in the luminous chemical filled cheddar sauce. Touching the tip of the fry against Emma's lower lip teasingly. "Just shut up and eat _Ms. Swan_."

Before Emma can do much more than smirk and take the offered food from her girl's fingers, with a little extra nip to the tips of Regina's digits, Henry appears in front of them red eyed and sniffling.

"Can we go?" His voice wavers with more than just puberty. Sniffling in another harsh breath as he brings his forearm up to his nose to swipe it in a way that would normally warrant a bark of his name from his brunette mother.

Regina straightens up the moment their son is in front of him. Gone are the warm gazes and amusement and in their place is concern for her son. "Henry, what's wrong? Did something happen in the game?" Glancing over her son's shoulder towards the rowdy group of boys who mill about the screens looking at how they did. Pan's boys. Great.

Pulling her legs from over the top of Regina's so that she can turn to face Henry, Emma sets her bowl of grease aside for more important things. Her eyes sweep over her son and catch sight of a reddened scuff at his temple just under the edges of his scraggly brown hair.

"Oh my god, Kid! Are you _bleeding_? _What the hell happened in there_?!" Standing up so that she can further inspect her boy who is quickly growing mortified thanks to the snickering that comes from behind them. Delicately brushing the fringe away from his forehead with the gentleness of a mother's touch, Emma looks over the rug burn that looks raw and painful with little droplets of blood bubbling up against the broken skin.

Red hazes Regina's vision as she joins Emma in front of Henry to look over his wound. Taking his hand in hers so that she can check his arms for any scrapes or worse. Finding another larger rug burn along the heel of his hand and up onto his forearm where he clearly had fallen and tried to catch himself before his head skidded into the floor with the momentum of his body.

" _Moooooommmsss_!" Embarrassment burns in his pleading. He can feel his eyes wanting to tear up but whether it's because the boys he played pushed him around or because of the not so whispered 'momma's boy' and 'cry baby' comments he can hear behind him, he isn't sure. All he knows is that he wants to leave and never come back. "Can we just go? _Please_!?"

"I'm going to go have a word with them." Regina grits through her teeth to the point of pain, wanting to do more than just have some words with those little miscreants who take joy in tormenting anyone smaller than them.

"No. I want to go Mom. _Please_. They aren't worth it."

"Hey, why don't you go to the bathroom and clean up your hands?" Rubbing her hand reassuringly against his shoulder, Emma offers him weak smile that belies the feeling of fury that batters around inside of her. Fishing her wallet out of her pocket she pulls out a twenty and hands it to him. "Get yourself a drink and then you can use the rest on games. I kinda want to challenge your mom to a game before we go, is that cool?"

Henry's shoulders slump over not being able to leave right away but he takes the offered money nonetheless, sniffling a little less harshly. "Yeah. Fine. Whatever." Slinking away towards the men's room, he doesn't even bother to look over his shoulder as he dejectedly slips into the safety if the bathroom.

"Emma I am in _no_ mood-"

Cutting Regina's heated words with a murderous hiss of her own, already grabbing the brunette by the bicep and hauling her towards the delinquent group milling about by the front desk where you register to play. "We are going to teach those little _shits_ what it feels like to be the little person for a change."

Halting their progression towards the counter, Regina looks at Emma with wide brown eyes that clear of her anger for the briefest of moments. Gazing at Emma like she is without question the more glorious thing she has ever laid eyes on. Stealing a quick bruising kiss to silently say how much she loves her before she puts them into motion again towards the counter.

"I don't think I've ever been more in love with being your girlfriend. Let's teach those miscreants what it means to mess with our son." Smirking at her girlfriend with a side glance, Regina strides up to the desk where she slams her hand down roughly against the counter top to get the attention of Little John. "We would like in on this game. Preferably _against_ them."

Murmurs of 'Oooooohhhh, Mommy's mad' and other such snide remarks rumble through the inner circle of the group of older boys while the younger ones at the edges look a little more worried about the authoritative women who barely conceal their hostility.

Glancing between the two groups warily, John grunts and starts to type in the details required to start the game. Nodding to Emma, "What name?"

Looking thoughtful for a moment before a smirk curls up her lips and sparkles in her fierce green eyes. "Honey badger." Suppressing the need to squirm with satisfaction over her choice, she looks at Regina with an amused smirk. "What about you babe?"

Regina draws a blank at first, mulling over options. A wry smile of her own takes hold when she figures out just what her name should be. Choosing to follow suit with the 'vicious animal's that don't back down' name choice Emma started. "Mongoose."

Grunting out his approval of the names that are not even close to some of the weirdest ones he's encountered he gets to typing them into the system and once he's finished he walks around to the other side of the desk to lead the group that is lost boy heavy to the room that houses the gear. Motioning to Regina and Emma who pull on their vests, drawling out the words he has said over a million times now. "Team blue, you boys will be red. A shot to the chest disables you and scores a point for your team. Team with most points win. _Don't destroy my bloody arena_."

Helping to fasten the last strap for Regina with a wicked smirk, Emma gives the bulbous vest a teasing tug. "Remind me after this to look into getting a set of these for the house! You look _**h-a-w-t**_ in geek wear. Me like! Now let's get out there and terrorize some adolescence with magic!"

Regina's raspy laughter is drowned out as a count down is played over the speakers. With a loud click the doors to the arena are opened on their own and it is a rush of running and shouts as everyone makes their way into the dark room that is only lit up by the ultra violet lights and neon paint that decorate the huge space to look like the universe.

Within minutes the melee turns from smug teenagers shouting taunts into the darkness to terrified screams as one by one the group of lost boys are hunted down by the vengeful moms.

Shoes become immobilized on the floor, vibrantly painted comic colored vines entrap unsuspecting boys to the walls, and a very confused phased out Ruby Lucas appears with a wild snarl ripping from her throat with such ferocity that a chilled hush falls over the arena before all chaos breaks loose with shouts of obscenities from boys who are too close to the beast for comfort and hysterical sobs from others.

Walking right up to the newly appointed ringleader of the group after Felix's demise, Regina holds her gun up to the pimple faced twerp's vest, her expression reminiscent of the days of when she was the Evil Queen. Cruel and without fear of anyone. "Mess with our son again and this will all seem like child's play do you understand me? I have places you could get lost and never see the light of day again and no one would ever know. I have no problem taking a child's heart if you mess with my son. That goes for every single one of you."

Taking a step back her finger pulls on the trigger thus lighting up his vest and taking him out of the game until it recharges. Turning on her heel she links arms with Emma, who stands behind her with her hands on her hips, and heads for the door out of the arena.

Smugness radiating off of her in waves as she calls out to those behind her. "Win."

As soon as they step into the equipment room Emma breaks into a round of hard hearty laughter that doubles her over. A stray tear or two escaping the crinkled edges of her eyes as she howls with her amusement. Gesturing towards the doors, "did you-" hard laughs end all attempts to finish her thought as she reminisces over the fear she just heard in those punks puberty spiking voices.

"Did you really summon Ruby!? And they accuse _me_ of being evil!" Regina laughs along with her breathless girlfriend, tugging off her own vest and placing her gun on the appropriate hook.

"I learned from the best babe. God, that was priceless!" Sniffling proudly, Emma swipes at her eyes with one hand while her other arm again finds Regina's to link with. Walking out of the room with a strut of pure smugness.

"What was happening in there? We could hear the screaming out here and did.. Was there.. It sounded like a howl. What did you guys do!?"

Henry's assault hits them the moment they enter the main area of the building. Holding up her hand in a kindly dismissive fashion, Emma smiles at her son with bright eyes that shine with her amusement. "Kid let's just say honey badger doesn't take _shit_ from nobody and neither does mongoose. Now why don't we all go to Granny's and get some decent grub. I think I owe Ruby a rather large tip."

Regina barks out a boisterous laugh that echoes off the walls around them. Promptly cupping her hand over her mouth to try and silence the hilarity spilling from her lips. Heading out of the building towards her car with her girlfriend laughing with her and a very confused teenager following closely on their heels asking for an explanation.

Pausing before she slips into the passenger seat, Regina watches Emma and Henry interacting with pride in her eyes. Honey badger certainly doesn't take shit from anyone, and mongoose couldn't be any more proud of her for that fact.


End file.
